Some people have no interests

Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?

favonis  📅 04.11.2016 21:22:54
Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
Hello,

I often get into situations where there is a desire for contact (usually building a (closer) friendship) on the part of people, which I do not want to reciprocate to the same extent. It has often happened that the respective person did not seem to notice this, which I do not fully understand. I mean, if you practically never speak up on your own initiative, never suggests meeting, not really stimulating conversations, but above all answering - basically never taking the initiative, shouldn't that be interpreted as a sign of disinterest? If I am personally interested in a friendship with a person and notice that there is hardly anything actively coming back from their side, then I turn back my efforts to contact and wait until they become active and contact me, asks whether we, what want to do etc ..... and if the person doesn't answer, I just accept that the person doesn't seem to be interested in me. I don't want to bring anyone into the situation just out of courtesy and / or shyness to refuse to do something with me. I wonder if other people just don't think like me about this, or if they don't?
Hardly anyone is absolutely cool and rude in conversation just to signal that they are not interested in closer contact. As a rule, I avoid using direct answers such as "no desire" or "no interest in closer friendship" so as not to hurt the person. For me it is therefore most logical and conflict-free to use and interpret the extent of the initiative as the extent of "real interest".
I would be interested in how your experiences are.
thing  📅 04.11.2016 22:24:48
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
Many good friends of mine are incredibly sluggish when it comes to covering letters / proposing. There are just such people. So how should I know if the new acquaintance is disinterested or just sluggish?
Gripping  📅 05.11.2016 08:59:28
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
@ Things: How did you get to know them at the beginning? Because the TE wanted to ensure that people do not notice in the initial phase that he / she does not want to.
favonis  📅 05.11.2016 09:04:29
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
If the person actually behaves like this with all people, then general indolence may be the reason - although I can best understand this argument in relation to written communication (whatsapp etc.), since some people may just find writing back and forth annoying / inefficient or are lazy. But to ask whether you feel like doing something is really not a big effort. And if you notice that the person does not behave in the same way towards everyone, then for me that is a clear sign of disinterest. If contact is important to you, you are not lazy either - just as you have time for which you take time.
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
I think it would be very welcome to get a clear message right at the beginning of the process of getting to know each other. You shouldn't see this as "rude", because otherwise your counterpart may have false hopes. I don't understand why you have to make it so complicated and assume that others can interpret your signals, no matter how subtle, right away ...
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
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Edited 1 time. Last on 8/23/18 2:05 p.m.
favonis  📅 05.11.2016 14:36:20
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
@ L.L.L. In principle, I agree with you that it is easier to just openly say what looks like. For me, however, it is just the case that, for example, it is about a person with whom I have no problem talking at university from time to time, but with whom I do not necessarily want to be close friends (at least for two). But since the person sometimes has the same friends as me and we therefore meet more often in the evening at group activities, I don't necessarily want to "mess around" with them or create tensions. I also have no problem if the person is there at bar evenings, etc., it is primarily about more intensive two-way friendship. Well I'll try to explain it honestly. Thanks for the answers.
thing  📅 05.11.2016 17:47:46
Re: Why do some people fail to notice that they are not interested?
From griffin @ Things: How did you get to know them at the beginning? Because the TE was concerned with the fact that people do not notice in the initial phase that he / she does not want to.
I took the initiative myself and took the first step and then kept on doing it. I've been doing this since elementary school. Has always paid off so far. However, I have the feeling that a lot of people have not understood that to become friends you have to spend time together. That's why I only have buddies at the university right now. Except for my roommates, with whom I am always together. It has become incredibly difficult to consciously spend time with someone in the Unium circle. And group activities do not strengthen individual friendship.