Why do people disagree
Egalness: This is what happens when you ignore other people's opinions
What do my colleagues think about it? How does that go down with my family? How am I supposed to explain this to my friends? It is these and similar questions that some people deal with on a daily basis. Understandably, we want to be accepted and liked by our social environment. But if you bend too much to do this, you harm yourself and at the same time build relationships based on lies. Rather, show your backbone and represent your opinions and interests. Not only is it more honest, it also makes you happier. Or to put it another way: Have you ever wondered if you would have been in the same position today if you had always followed other people's opinions? What positive effects a certain egalitarianism brings with it ...
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
Where does the importance of the opinion of others come from?
The short answer to this question: the desire for social recognition. The long answer: Man is a social being. We hunger for recognition and sympathy right down to the tips of our hair. Why else do so many (young) people want to become famous or be a celebrity and star on the Internet? The prospect of millions of people cheering with their thumbs up is just too tempting. And if not the way we really are, then at least only with the chocolate side on display - in the extreme, a fake facade is enough. The main thing is a touch of love in return. And that is - consequently - just a fake, an illusion. Appearance is liked, not being.
If that doesn't even work, the temptation is great to betray yourself and to speak to others or even the majority by the mouth. The resulting feeling of belonging gives us a feeling of security and acceptance at the same time. You no longer offer others a surface to attack, after all you have acted in their favor and their consent.
However, the price for this can be very high. It requires constant adjustment and denial of your own opinion. In addition, there is great pressure to always want to please everyone. The danger: whoever pretends to be permanent, at some point can no longer suffer himself. Especially when the role you play contradicts your own values, you secretly despise yourself for it. Only those who stand by their values and attitudes can also respect themselves.
The stupid gives in
You probably know the parable of the German poet Johann Peter Hebel about a father who wants to show his son the folly of the world. To do this, he leads a donkey out of the stable and all three of them wander into the first village. The farmers there mock the trio and shout: “Look, these fools! Have a donkey and nobody sits on it. ”As soon as they have left the village, the father sits on the donkey and the son leads them both to the second village. Again the farmers mock: “What a team! The old man rides and the poor boy has to run. ”Shortly after the village, father and son change roles.
Now the boy rides into the third village. Here, too, the farmers come together and complain: “It is not right that the old man has to run. The boy has stronger legs - let him go on foot! ”They leave this village behind them too. Now they both sit on the donkey - the father in front, the boy behind. So they ride together into the fourth settlement, and you have suspected it for a long time: Here, too, the farmers find offense at their companions: “Ugh, you animal tormentors,” they shout. “You want to ride the poor animal to death? You should take a stick and knock both of them down! ”Finally, both of them reach the fifth village. Before the entrance they tie the donkey's legs together, thread them through a pole and carry the donkey through the village on their shoulders. When the people see this, they mock father and son and chase all three out of the village with stones.
Even if a certain adaptability in the job Today is a condition for personal success and flexibility is per se a positive value: Too much of it is unhealthy. It is easy to lose your individuality and credibility.
Egalness: ignoring the opinion of others
There is another way of doing this - for example, by cultivating more indifference than attitude and simply ignoring the opinion of others. A clever bon mot reads: “If you recognize your worth, it is increasingly difficult to surround yourself with people who don't.” Make a free decision without having to worry about how others perceive or think about them. Be it when choosing your course of study, choosing a career or just deciding whether you like an idea or not.
A multitude of our decisions and actions are shaped by the opinions of others. Quite a few even ask their environment in advance for their assessment and advice. That makes sense too. But in the end you still have to decide for yourself - and ultimately be responsible for this decision.
So what would (at worst) happen if you ignored other people's opinions and made your own decision? The…
You feel free
If you can ignore the opinions of others, you are free to do exactly what you see fit. Not only will you be able to make free decisions, you can get rid of fears at the same time. Without the pressure of other people's views, you can forget about the fear of social rejection. Your fear of making mistakes will also go away, leaving you ready to take risks too in order to achieve your goals.
You have more energy
Up until now, you have had to use a large part of your energy to pretend to please others. You can now use this newly gained energy and use it for the things that really interest you. Since you are no longer held back by other people's opinions, you will reach your goal faster.
You surround yourself with the right people
As soon as you no longer value the opinions of others, those around you will also notice this change. Friends and co-workers who really value you will stand by you too, if you don't just say yes and amen. Those who are now turning away from you have only sought contact in order to take advantage of it.
You can be happy on your own
Those who always put the opinions of others above their own make their happiness dependent on others. If you ignore the opinion of others, however, you will take your luck into your own hands again. In this way you are not only more independent, but you can also ensure that you will be happy in the long term without having to rely on the judgment of those around you.
You have less stress
It takes an incredible effort to always want to please everyone. But all this stress that you have unnecessarily put into yourself up to now will fall away from you. Not always agreeing with others is perfectly legitimate. It is also normal not to get along well with everyone in the world. If you internalize this, you can noticeably lower your own stress level.
You become more confident
Putting your own opinion above that of others automatically makes you more self-confident. This has several positive effects: You will radiate more confidence and competence in conversations, you will be assessed more positively and better by others (not everyone) and your self-perception will also improve.
You give others the chance to do the same
Attitudes can be “contagious” and spread to others. By being confident about yourself, you enable others to do the same. You set a good example and make you feel like you don't judge others for their views and opinions either. In the end, you will also inspire others to be more tolerant.
What other readers have read about it
Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.
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