When is selfish helpful

Help, I don't want to be an egoist!

Mindfulness, self-love or at least egoism

I don't know how many times I've heard sentences like: “When I love myself, then I'm selfish.” Or something like, “I can't take that much time for myself because I have a family and I do but want to be there for everyone. ”To be honest, a few years ago when I began to deal with the subject of mindfulness and self-love, I also felt a little strange at first.

Why should I suddenly think of myself?

Why should I pay attention to what is good for me when I could offend others? It was really hard to get out of old ways of thinking. Am i worth doing for myself? Yes, I am worth it to feel what I enjoy and what gives me energy. To live mindfulness and self-care. I am worth controlling my life myself. This is not selfishness, it is self-care and self-love. Just take care of yourself once a day and bring mindfulness into life. Take a bath, start reading a book, take a walk through the autumn leaves or just look at the sky and let your mind wander. It doesn't have to be hours, even on the most stressful day, 10 minutes can be included, and if it's five minutes twice. Would you really label that as selfishness?

The following thought made me rethink a few years ago:

“Imagine you are on the plane with a child. Suddenly the announcement comes that the aircraft has to make an emergency landing and that all passengers should please put on their oxygen masks. What are you doing? ”Well, it was very clear to me: the first thing I do is put the oxygen mask on the child next to me. There is no doubt about that! What a stupid question, I thought to myself. The look of my counterpart looked at me a little confused and asked me about my background. Another question follows: "What if you couldn't put the mask on the child because you passed out from the rapid descent?" Good question, I thought to myself, but had no idea what the other person was getting at. She explained to me that it would be of no use if I first (half) cared for the child and then myself. I would put both of us in danger! However, if I would take care of myself first and then the child, then I could still be there for the child and calm it down. I could even help other passengers sitting next to me. Ok, I thought, logical, but how selfish. "Well," I was told. You can only be there for others and help if you get enough oxygen. Is it selfish to only think about yourself when you can help a lot more later? "That was mine Opposite: of course it's not selfish then!

What is the difference between selfishness and self-love / self-care?

When I talk about egoism here, I mean an exaggerated form that only refers to itself and not to anyone else. The I is placed in the foreground to such an extent that the person does not even notice that they are forgetting all the others. An egoist is ONLY there for himself. The strength is not gathered for helping or passing on, since there is actually only one person in the mind, namely oneself.

But self-love and self-care are more about taking care of yourself on a healthy scale in order to be and stay strong, capable, and helpful. My fellow human beings are not neglected, they even benefit from the fact that I have taken care of myself. For me that is the biggest difference to the egoist. Seen from this perspective, self-love is essential: an unrelaxed mother stresses her child, a dissatisfied partner stresses his partner ...

Three simple tips to help you develop more self-care

1. Do something just for yourself for five minutes a day! If you love peace and quiet, take a walk alone and breathe consciously. Read one page a day in your favorite book. Have a quiet coffee alone. No matter what you do, it's your five minutes - and yours only.

2. Ask yourself: What made you particularly proud today? What are you particularly grateful for today? Two simple questions with a very big impact, because we always like to deal with problems and focus on them. But there are at least as many beautiful moments during the day that we just don't see - if not more!

3. Be careful with yourself. Get to know yourself better again. What am i feeling How is my body What is good for me right now? What am I (really) hungry for? Am I hungry at all? .... Here, too, there are no limits to the observation of your body and your needs!

The contribution is limited

Sure, you could say a lot more and more details about egoism, self-love and self-care than fits in such a short article. But the bottom line is that I want to encourage them to take their time and consciously do something for themselves. You can appreciate yourself without having to have the nasty feeling of being an egoist. Because giving up on yourself just to please others, not create a quarrel or so that you are not labeled as an egoist: it's not worth it.

If you are interested in the topic and would like to work with me on how you can take better care of yourself, please contact me. In a coaching you can uncover your own thought structures and develop individual strategies on how you can develop more mindfulness and self-love without feeling like an egoist. Interest? Then call me!

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