Why is it difficult to get in touch with people
Talk more: How to get into conversation with other people
Don't know how to get into conversation with people?
Are you afraid to speak to other people?
Here you will find practical instructions on how you can reduce this fear little by little.
In addition, I will give you a lot of practical examples of how you can easily and relaxed practice making contact with others in everyday life.
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Getting into conversation with people: the success strategy
Talking to other people should actually be very easy, after all, humans are communicative beings.
And yet we are often afraid to speak to other people. We'd like to ... but just don't know how to start the conversation. The longer we hesitate, the greater the fear.
Ultimately, there is only one solution for this:
You fight your fear down the stairs step by step by practicing as often as possible in normal everyday situations. You can't go wrong with this! And after a few times it will become easier and easier for you until it finally does becomes a habit.
Start with small small talk in everyday life:
- Ask for directions
- Give a compliment
- say hello
- Inquire about the time
- etc. etc.
Even a simple THANK YOU can be the beginning of a casual conversation if you bring it across in an open and relaxed manner.
If you make eye contact beforehand (+ smile), it'll be even easier. Be ready for a conversation inside! If you think "Oh God oh God, I hope he doesn't speak to me ...", then the other person will notice that very clearly from your charisma and may not even dare to answer you!
So start very relaxed and ideally where you feel comfortable. Do not talk to your dream woman or the colleague who always looks grumpy right at the beginning. Start with the nice cashier or with people walking past you with their dog.
Do this a few times until you feel safe, then find new challenges.
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Reaching out to people: a couple of practical examples
Here are a few suggestions for you on how to get into conversation with people. As I said - at the beginning choose what you are least afraid of:
- Say “hello” to your neighbor, whom you run into twice a day, but whom you've never said hello to before. (For advanced users: ask him if he doesn't even feel like having a barbecue)
- Ask the friendly waitress in the café which coffee she can recommend / which is her favorite cake
- Talk to the person in the checkout line who is behind / in front of you. Look in his / her shopping basket and then say: Aha, there’s spaghetti tonight?
- Ask your table neighbors in the restaurant whether they go out to eat here more often and can recommend something.
- Compliment one of your classmates / fellow students / work colleagues who you normally don't have much to do with
- Ask the old lady at the pedestrian lights how her day was
- If you can't find something in the store, ask a saleswoman for help.
- Talk to the baker in two sentences. Ask how many rolls he bakes a day and whether they are all handmade
- Go to the flea market and haggle with the vendors
- Ask someone for directions to the swimming pool / cinema / train station ...
In short, just talk to people, anywhere, as often as possible. On the street, when shopping, at the bakery, in the subway, at the pedestrian traffic lights, in the café ... Just use every opportunity where you come into contact with other people to have a few words with them.
Surprise yourself by talking straight away and see what happens.
PS: Nothing can happen. You're doing the most normal thing in the world right now -> talking to other people! Yes, we humans are social beings and we do things like that 😉 !!!
Extra tip: What you should absolutely avoid when addressing them
In order not to make it unnecessarily difficult for you to address yourself (and not to be demotivated by failures), pay attention to the following tips:
- Avoid "sensitive" topics like politics or religion
- Be authentic and don't try to pretend. Honest shyness is much more personable than a feigned self-confidence
- Ask W-questions (how, what, where, when, why ...), because the other person has to answer them in more detail than to questions that can be answered with YES or NO
- Do not speak to someone who is currently in conversation with others (unless it has to be because you want / need something from them)
If you want to learn even more about how to be more communicative, you can find another article here: Becoming more communicative & shedding shyness
And especially for the men among us, I have the following contribution (but works just as well for women): Addressing women: With this simple 10-step plan
And because reading is only half the battle: it's best to start right now (while you're still in the euphoric mood of optimism). Get the Self-Confidence Strengthening Manual as a support and get started right away. Because you know yourself: there is no better time than NOW - there is no better place than HERE! And off you go, yeahaa!
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